Don't you send me to vm
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
