She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
