I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
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