I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
