it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I intend to get homeless drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize