Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
The struggles of a small town man whore
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
