Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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