It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
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Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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