I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you made out with another girl for some wings
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
