Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
