My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
