Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
