dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm passing your future prison.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
