WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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