Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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