i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
