what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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