So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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