totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
