Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
