he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
