Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
