she looked like the before picture.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
