I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
