Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
