I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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