He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
