In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
