Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
there was a trapeze. enough said
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
i think im in europe. pls send help
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
