Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
This is not my ceiling
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
