HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
