I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
