At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
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There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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