How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
