U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
