Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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