The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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