We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
