Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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