I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
