$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
