Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
