Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
