You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
