I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize
