can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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