My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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