why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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