What did we do last night that was yellow?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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