I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Randomize
