They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
