my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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