Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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