The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
