I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
