med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
