Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
