I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
