True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
so let's talk penis.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
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