Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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