i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
